Studentie, dulce melodie :)

Imi amintesc de multe ori de experientsa numita ASEM. Eram mici, fara de griji, pierdeam foarte mult timp fara a ne da seama ca il pierdem, caci aveam destul. Stateam de vorba in parc, mincam piine cu chefir sau chifle cu magiun, consumam alcool in public caci nu aveam destule mijloace financiare pentru a merge de fiecare data la Andy's. Mergeam la ore insa rareori eram atenti - tin minte cum in anul 1 stateam in banca 2, asa cum ii sta bine unei shefe de grupa - nici chiar in prima banca unde stau persoanele ce se concentreaza doar la invatat, si nici prea departe, unde sunt cei ce se concentreaza doar la alte aspecte. In anii ce au urmat insa, am ajuns sa stau in ultimele banci - caci ori intirziam si dadeam vina pe cozile intermitente de la decanat, ori ma decideam in ultimul moment sa particip la ora data. Ah, momente fericite. :)

In strainatate insa lucrurile stau nitel altfel. Prezenta nu este obligatorie - decit la orele de limba straina - si totusi, exista persoane ce vin la ore insa nu asculta. M-am intrebat, de ce nu stati acasa, dragi copii, mai ales ca majoritatea vin cu calculatoare si stau pe facebook. De exemplu, cind eram la ASEM, frecventam orele si pentru ca era un mijloc bun de comunicare si un bun mod de a cunoaste alte persoane. Aici insa, oamenii vin si stau in fata la calculator. Nu poti face acelasi lucru si acasa? Nu, caci 1. Daca pierd o lectie vor intra in dependentsa de a nu veni la nici una. Da, poate... si 2. le pare ca anume lectia la care nu vor merge va fi acea lectie cind profesorul va spune ceva despre examen. Pai... uita-te la "Past Exams", la examenele din anii trecuti si stii deja ce format va avea examenul, cite intrebari sunt, ce fel de intrebari si ce se cere de la tine din punct de vedere intelectual. La asem lucrurile stau foaaarte diferit - caci majoritatea examenelor, fiind in orale, cunoasterea persoanei tale de catre profesor este un element crucial. Caci atunci cind profesorul crede ca esti "fata /baiat bun" care a fost prezent si mai mult sau mai putin atent la ore, atunci el poate sa mai inchida ochii la anumite greseli pe care le faci in examen si deci ia in consideratie performatele tale de pe parcursul intregului an. Da, acest lucru permite un anumit nivel de discriminare in defavoarea celor ce sunt nevoiti sa lucreze in timpul studiilor si deci nu au acelasi nivel de familiaritate cu profesorul, insa in general, acest sistem este unul bun, date fiind conditiile din moldova, mai ales dat fiind gradul inalt de iresponsabilitate si incultura caracteristic multor studenti. Iar in cazul examenelor scrise, surprizele curg shiroi, caci exemplul anilor trecuti este ori inaccesibil, ori inutil, caci formatul examenelor se schimba de 3 ori pe an.
Si ok, daca ai note mici, acest lucru nu inseamna ca nu vei gasi un job la fel de "bine" platit ca un student cu note mari. Daca nu dai examenele, nu pierzi nimic decit maximum o bursa de 200 lei ( in cazul limitat al putinilor bursieri) si deci... de ce sa pierzi timpul la ore cind poti sa il folosesti intr-un mod muuult mai util? Eu mergeam la ore... Si ma bucur, caci am primit si cunostinte in materie si cunostinte de viata.

In strainatate insa, consecintele unor note mici sunt mult mai grave. Pierzi bursa si deci trebuie sa platesti taxele scolare si intretinerea. Nu dai examenele, cobori in rating pe liste si deci nu poti beneficia de toate oportunitatile prezente ( in MD nu ai shansa sa pleci un semestru peste hotare cu bursa, nu poti sa te angajezi la practica "platita" cu shasa ulterioara de angajare, nu ai shansa de a participa la multe conferinte nationale si internationale pe tematici globale etc) Deci, aici, trebuie sa inveti. Si majoritatea studentilor o fac... in sesiune.
Inte timp insa, fraze de genu " Dau examenul si scap de obiectul asta oribil" umplu coridoarele universitatilor. La Asem auzi acelasi lucru, insa la ASEM nu prea ai shansa sa iti alegi cursurile, pe cind in strainatate, da. Si deci, cum poti sa zici ca "scapi in sfirsit" de Contabilitate cind aceasta iti este specializarea? Cum poti sa zici ca Marketing-ul nu este pentru tine, cind esti la facultatea MARKETING? Eu cred ca la ASEM studentii sunt mai indreptatiti sa zica ca un anume curs nu este pe placul lor pentru ca la asem se studiaza de toate cite putin. Sunt multe cursuri, si deci, din MUUULTE iti alegi citeva care iti plac. In strainatate insa, ai putine cursuri, toate la tema, toate in rind cu specialitatea aleasa, si totusi, studentii vor sa "scape".
Poate asa gindesc acum, cind sunt mai matura. Poate de as avea si eu 18-19 ani ( m-ash intoarce cu mare placere la acea virsta ) as proceda la fel ca si stundetii mamosi si alintati de aici. Nu sunt toti asa, insa crema studentimii apartine altui post :)

YES

24 aprilie 2009

Ieri a fost o zi lenoasa. Am zacut in pat aproape toata ziua si nu am facut aproape nimic folositor societatsii, iar unicul lucru pe care l-am dus pina la capat a fost respins de catre destinatar. Fusese un proces lung de creatie, insa din pacate, fiind mereu atit de ocupata, am lasat sa se asheze praf pe capacitatsile mele creative si deci scirtsie mult orice incercare de a face ceva original. Am promis ca mai incerc o data, insa ca de obicei, dupa un eshec rasunator imi e greu sa ma ridic si sa o iau de la capat... Scuze sunt multe si oricine le poate invoca, datoria mea este insa sa trec peste sentimentul de neputintsa si sa imi dovedesc inca o data ca da, POT.
Ieri am privit un film care mi-a fost recomandat cu multa caldura - "Yes Man", cu Jim Carrey. Imi amintesc ca intr-o perioada ma apucase pasiunea pentru filmele cu Jim Carrey in roluri serioase. Multsi sunt de parerea ca nu ii sta bine cind nu face mutre si nu spune glume, caci anume acest tip de personaj l-a adus in topul actorilor de film. Eu insa consider ca un talent adevarat poate face fatsa unor provocari si poate sa exceleze si intr-un altfel de rol. Desi sunt de acord ca acest rol ( din Yes Man) ar fi putut fi jucat si de orice alt actor cu acelasi succes, pe cind rolurile tipice Jim Carrey sunt inimitabile. Oricum, fara a ne abate de la tema, as vrea sa imi pun si eu intrebarea fireasca ce survine dupa acest film : Oare ce s-ar intimpla daca am zice DA la orice oportunitate care ni se ofera? Makar pentru o zi.... Eu stiu ce as face eu de ar fi asa. As sta mai putsin pe net pentru ca n-ash fi acasa. As cunoaste mai multa lume pentru ca as accepta invitatii la cafea, la bere, la film, as accepta prietenii pe care mintea mea nu le accepta in mod normal. As face mai multe nebunii pentru ca iarasi nu as putea sa mi le refuz. Probabil, daca as spune DA, mi-ash incalca anumite principii, pentru ca as fi nevoita sa accept propuneri si idei, sa fac anumite kestii ce altsii le fac insa eu nu am dorintsa / puterea / curajul sa le fac - oare m-am limitat eu prea mult? Oare prea multe "legi" nescrise ma conduc?
Si totusi primul meu impuls e sa spun NU. Incerc sa ma schimb. Recent, cind am spus DA chiar daca mintea imi zicea NU am ajuns sa gust berea de capshuni. :) Pina si pe strazi, in Dublin, peste tot sunt postere ce spun " SAY YES". Sunt in legatura cu tratatul de la Lisabona, insa fiecare om ar trebui sa le vada pentru sine...


Calin Turcanu, nepotul autoarei :), 8 ani : " Nu spune Aha, spune DA ! "

Extreme

Mereu exista o alegere, chiar daca optiunile nu sunt mereu in fatsa ta. Mereu potsi sa zici DA, sau poti sa zici NU, poti sa alegi sa ignori sau poti sa uiti. Poti alege sa simtsi sau te poti resemna. Poti sa lupti sau sa renunti.
Mereu exista o alegere.
Poti alege apa, poti alege cerul, poti alege focul sau poti alege pamintul. Poti alege poezia sau epicul, poti alege frumusetea sau poti alege originalitatea. Poti sa le ai pe toate, sau poti sa nu ai nimic. Poti alege acum, sau poti alege necunoscutul de miine. Te poti alege pe tine, sau poti iubi opusul. Poti alege linistea... daca o faci insa, vei mai sti ce e provocarea? Daca alegi sa mergi la pas, vei mai simtsi oare pulsul rapid al alergarii? Daca pasesti pe un drum pietruit, stabil, vei mai vedea oare acea punte de lemn care se leagana dintr-o parte in alta? Vrei oare sa simtsi abisul sub picioare iar gindul prabushirii sa cheme adrenalina in vene, inima sa bata mai puternic, iar in plamini se se creeaze un "Aaaaaah" pe care nu il potsi retsine? Atunci cautsi acel oxigen fara de care nu potsi trai, sorbesti din frumusetea vietsii si simtsi cum arde focul in tine. Nu te gindesti la momentul cind acesta se va stinge pentru ca acest moment poate sa nu vina niciodata. Sau poate surveni mult prea devreme. Si atunci ai ars repede si tare, lasind in urma ta scrumul ce este imprastiat in lume de cea mai mica adiere de vint... Aceeasi adiere ce iti mingiie obrajii reci atunci cind esti in virf, aceeasi adiere te desparte atunci cind ai cazut... Extreme.

Trends

I know where i am going and where all this is gonna end. And it's not because i am confident in the future, or because i can foresee it. No, i just put 2 and 2 together, and as my lovely neighbor always says, 2+2=4. And that is how i know.
On one side, trends are nice, as they are linear ( or non-linear, it does not matter) dependencies among a certain set of variables, for which you calculate your deviation and then you can rest assured that you will not have any bad surprises. Nor any good ones, for that matter, but in some situations, certainty makes one and the other compensate.
I tend to think that we involuntarily opt towards creating our own trend of thought, of ideas, of decisions. And thus, consequently, our life follows the pattern that we have previously chosen. At a certain moment in life though, due to unexpected shocks, one may choose to shift the line so that it goes either through a predetermined point, in a desired direction or so it avoids certain unwanted happenings. But there still is a trend. Coz i do not think people change drastically over night. They can choose to do some things differently, to see some matters in a different light, they can choose to be better or to approach a problem from another point of view. But nobody can go over what he or she is, no matter how much we try. Coz we are who we are - with certain deviations, with certain errors and with a few improvments along the way.
Decisions. How hard and yet how simple they are.
Yes, i have a trend - aside from the obvious reborn interest in this blog. At the moment, the trend shows that i am willing to work hard in order to have fast results. It shows that i know who i am and what my limts are. And revelations come in silly moments like today, when i found an umbrella on the seat behind me in a study room. For a second, i asked myself the question whether i should take it, as my own umbrella was stolen just last month in a store. But then i thought that i do not want to do to another person what has been done to me. Maybe someone will come back for the umbrella. Maybe yet another person will take it. But my decision - to leave it there - transposes itself also into deeper and more important spheres, where i often decide that if i am hurt, i will not hurt somebody just in revenge, that i will not keep a grudge and i will not apply the "an eye for an eye" unless necessary.
I once asked what our principles are. Well.... now i think that they are the engines of the trends we follow.
I have tried to make my trend not too steep and not too flat - as i do not want to burn out bright and die quickly, neither do i want to stall and become the snail that gets its eyes thrown back once it gets on a roller-coaster. Although the coefficients of my equation are hard to define, i am continuously and stubbornly working on it.

Happiness

It is 7 a.m. As my alarm goes off, i get up knowing that half way to the tea boiler i will already be awake. I put some coffee, i open my computer, move the macroeconomics book a little to my left and open Ted.Com. I stumble upon a talk that asks the question whether Happiness has a price tag. It sounds intriguing, and i start watching it while enjoying my almost tasteless coffee. I already know the answer to the question, but i am interested in a point of view that is probably more informed than i am, from a person that actually dedicated some time to the issue before making the verdict. So i watch. And as a lot of many interesting facts come out of the presentation, i start thinking about how this world is organized, about the values that we each have and the principles that we kinda set for ourselves.

We often look for perfection. If not absolute, than at least a close fit to it. And most of the times, we declare ourselves satisfied just because we cannot dedicate any more resources looking for that certain thing. And this is a type of happiness as well - when you, in an informal manner, decide for yourself that from this moment on you will be happy with the choice that you have made and will not glance to what other people own / do / have. There are times when we succeed. But there still are moment of doubt when we stop and ask ourselves the devastating "what if".....


Happiness is acceptance. Accept the things you cannot change, influence the ones you have power over and may you have serenity to know the difference. This thought came as a revelation some time ago when i was performing the most automatic operation of that period, but i still stopped in order to get this idea into my head and i realized that yes, every moment counts. Every second of your being makes you the person that you are, every event, good or bad, makes you one step closer to where you want to be - and here the secret is to want to be where you are. Because happiness is within oneself. Satisfaction of the present makes room for satisfaction in the future, optimism now makes ambition tomorrow - because yes, the more man has, the more man wants. And you cannot have something unless you are fully aware you are in possession. If you are in a state of "i know nothing, i want nothing", guess what you will get? Probably...... nothing. And even if you get something, are you fully capable of enjoying it?
Don't think so.


Happiness is acknowledgement. Happiness is within ourselves. And we decide whether we are happy or not. Involuntarily. Psychologically. And we identify this function of the brain with an external phenomenon, like eating chocholate or spending time with your loved one. ( These are the only two true happiness moments that come to my mind and this early hour on Saturday morning). And yes, a lot of times, telling yourself to stop and enjoy the moment of happiness helps.

Just watch the video. It will not make you ask yourself any question - this was just my reaction to all the happenings in the last days - but at least it is fun.

Despre

" Jocuri de copii... Sau poate nu...

Recent am auzit de la un prieten o frază...
"Am găsit-o pe EA şi nu s-a terminat aşa cum mi-am dorit"...
Este total greşită amigo...


Dacă o găseai pe EA, atunci te opreai la "... şi nu s-a terminat".
Asta înseamnă EA.

Dacă EA este cumva, adu-ţi aminte cum A FOST şi de ce ai ales-o...
Dacă EL este cumva, adu-ţi aminte cum A FOST şi de ce l-ai ales...
Dacă are probleme, trebuie înţelegere. Dacă este dificil... Trebuie să ai răbdare...
Dragostea nu este un joc. Dragostea necesită muncă şi efort, timp şi afecţiune, şi nu doar din partea unuia, ci din partea AMBILOR...
Dacă vrei să te distrezi, şi te distrează o relaţie, atunci nu pune sentimente.
Dacă le pui, eşti bou. Dar oricum suntem în anul boului şi e normal, nu?...))
Dacă vrei să iubeşti, fă-o cu băgare de seamă şi asigură-te că merită.

Femeia rareori vrea un bărbat ANUME... De cele mai multe ori, ea pur şi simplu vrea UN BĂRBAT. Şi poate nu doar unul. Nu îl analizează prea mult, important e să fie disponibil când vrea ea şi să se poarte cu ea aşa cum vrea ea...
Bărbatul până să aleagă o femeie, recunosc, merge pe încercate... Însă el încearcă, şi aceasta îi dă dreptul să spună că şi-a găsit ALEASA. Căci din 20 de fete, 19 sunt pe cât se poate de ordinare, şi doar a 20-a e acea "floare printre flori". Îţi trebuie al naibii de mult noroc, efort, răbdare şi suferinţă ca să îţi dai seama care anume este EA...

Un bărbat NU va aprecia femeia frumoasă, el o va admira şi se va "bucura" de ea şi de ce poate obţine de la ea.
Un bărbat NU va aprecia femeia deşteaptă, el o va admira şi o va respecta, însă în mare parte o va respecta pentru înţelepciunea ei.
Un bărbat VA APRECIA femeia care îl iubeşte şi ştie să arate că îl iubeşte! Care îi este fidelă, îl înţelege şi îl respectă.
O femeie NU va aprecia un bărbat frumos, ea îl va admira şi se va lăuda cu el prin lume.
O femeie NU va aprecia un bărbat deştept, ea îl va admira şi se va folosi de această caracteristică a lui pentru a-şi atinge scopurile...
O femeie NU va aprecia la adevărata sa valoare pe bărbatul care o va iubi! Ea îl va considera, cel mai probabil, prost. Şi în dragostea lui... va vedea şi slăbiciunea lui...
O femeie VA APRECIA bărbatul care este disponibil ORICÂND şi în ORICE, bărbatul care o va face să se simtă specială, să se simtă bine, şi îl va iubi... aparent...

O femeie nu este în stare să creeze Adevărata Pasiune într-o relaţie... În 98% din cazuri... bărbatul e acel care face asta.
Şi totuşi, voi femeile vă plângeţi că noi, bărbaţii, suntem atât de răi şi lipsiţi de sentimente...
Dar de câte ori aţi luat VOI o floare unui băiat? DA! Am zis bine! Şi NU! Nu sunt beat!
De câte ori aţi dăruit un cadou, oricât de nesemnificativ nu ar părea, la sfârşitul unei întâlniri? Şi aici nu am în vedere săruturi sau atingeri...
Un băiat e romantic dacă apare cu un trandafir roşu... dacă umple patul cu petale de trandafiri, dacă ştie ce muzică să pună şi ce filme să aleagă ca să le privească în doi...
Dar femeia cu ce este romantică? Cu ce face ea pe bărbat să "explodeze"? Cu dezvăluirea trupului? A sânilor? Aceasta este doar o plăcere vizuală... Nu este ceva cu care să îl facă pe bărbat să se sufoce din interior. Sau poate cu faptul că îi pregăteşte cina? Haha, aceasta este foametea care urlă şi nu romantismul!

Femeia nu este în stare să fie romantică... Şi nu că nu poate ea, ci pur şi simplu că nu consideră adecvat.
Cel puţin, 19 din 20 nu consideră adecvat...
În schimb bărbatul, din IUBIRE, din PASIUNE, din DRAGOSTE o face pentru femeie... Ceea ce îl face pe bărbat de nepreţuit şi aceasta poate că ele nu o vor înţelege niciodată... "


Miine voi medita asupra acestui articol. Astazi nu pot sa ma gindesc la dragoste. Da, procrastinez.

Deci.....

Cogito, ergo sum - a zis Descartes. Cogito, ergo ma chinui, zic eu. De aia am zis ca ar fi bine sa ma apuc sa studiez din acea carte de statistica pe care am carat-o pina la Chisinau si inapoi - o cartsulie de nici mai mult,nici mai putsin de 2 kg.
Dar uite ca ma trage spre ea tastatura acestui calculator ce inca mai simte atingerea fina a lui Tolik ( mersi mult!), si uite m-a impins necuratu blogurilor sa apas pe acel bookmark ce ma aduce direct aici, unde scriu acest post ce promite a fi foaaarte pe neintelesul tuturor :)) Insa nu, eu nu sunt confuza, sunt doar foarte bine amestecata :))

Ce ginduri imi trec prin minte?

Tot ce se face se face spre bine. De multe ori trebuie sa avem insa rabdare, si chiar daca nu intelegem de la inceput ce se intimpla, exista shanse sa ne lamurim mai tirziu. Trebuie insa sa stim sa ascultam (mai ales eu) caci shansa bate la usa foarte incet. Pentru asta trebuie sa fii atent.

A simtsi ceva este mai bine decit a nu simtsi nimic. Chiar daca ceea ce simtsi doare. Chiar daca fierbi, tot e mai bine decit sa fii apa moarta. Desi uneori e bine sa dai focul mai incet si sa nu mai contribui atita la incalzirea globala. Plus ca deja gaz nu-i.

Gindesc, deci ma chinui. Si ma intorc la cartea de statistica.....

Daca dragoste nu e.....

Gheorghe Gheorghiu - Daca Dragoste Nu E Nimic Nu E

Echilibru

Echilibru in ceea ce faci si ceea ce simtsi, intre ceea ce trebuie sa fii si ceea ce esti, intre necesitatsi si dorintse, intre drepturi si obligatsii. Echilibru intre sentimente si ratsiune, echilibru intre durere si fericire, intre munca si odihna, intre activitate si lene. Echilibru intre umor si seriozitate, intre aluzii si remarci directe. Echilibru intre subtilitate si curaj, intre adevar si minciuna - echilibru intre sinceritate si prefacatorie, intre rabdare si actsiune. Echilibru intre inceput si sfirsit. Intre aminare si decizie. Echilibru in refuz si accept. Intre bine si rau, intre frumos si ordinar.
Echilibru intre persoana ta si lumea inconjuratoare. Asta cautam. Asta gasesc incetul cu incetul, zi de zi....

Metafore

Problema.
Vasilica si Petrica sunt fratsi. Ei au doua mashinutse - una rosie si una albastra.
Ambele masinutse sunt la fel de bune, insa lui Vasilica ii place mai mult masinutsa rosie, deci se joaca numai cu ea. Cind a inceput insa Petrica sa se joace cu masinutsa albastra, Vasilica a observat ca aceasta avea rotsile mai mari si ca mergea mult mai bine. Parca mai inainte nu era atit de frumoasa masinutsa albastra, si nici nu tsinea el minte ca i se invirte si volanul... Si capota se deschide, si uite, are si imitatsie de motor. Se uita apoi si la masinutsa din mina lui si nu ii mai place.
"Petrica, hai sa ne schimbam cu masinutsele", zice el.

Intrebare : Cit timp se va juca Vasilica cu masinutsa albastra? Argumentati raspunsul.

retrospectiva rapida

Timpul este relativ, mi-am dat seama demult de asta. Abia de 2 saptamini m-am infiltrat in multsimea de oameni ce merg prin Piazza Duomo cu okii in pamint si nu ridica ochii la monumente. Eu insa mi-am zis ca nu voi deveni inacrita si ma voi duce la servici cu zimbetul pe buze, deci admir catedrala in fecare dimineatsa si zimbesc soarelui ce se zareste sfios printre sculpturile facute manual.
Cele 8 zile lucrate la Zara s-au incheiat ieri in ritm incetinit pentru ca simbata seara m-am miscat in ritm de dans. Deshi aveam o durere de cap care imi amintea de peripetsiile din seara precedenta, acele ultime 5 ore au trecut repede, pentru ca totusi trebuia sa asimilez adevarurile aparute.
In primul rind, m-am lasat definitiv de alcool si de orice substantse ce incetsosheaza mintea si judecata. Oricum ma doboara emotsiile, caci nu ma pot abtsine de la a simtsi toate evenimentele cu toata firea mea, iar sa combin aceasta sensibilitate cu anumite grade ar insemna o totala deschidere, vulnerabilitate si reactsii extreme. Era destul de amuzant si procesul de studiu a celor ce s-au napustit asupra sticlei de vodka, iar cel mai mare avantaj e ca doar fiind lucid potsi sa fii sugur ca a 2-a zi itsi vei aminti tot ce s-a intimplat in seara precedenta:)
In al doilea rind, mi-am dat seama ca da, omul este totusi facut pentru a trai in societate. Singuratatea este buna insa cu masura, ca si toate celelalte lucruri, de altfel. Am meditat mult si asupra unor prietenii mai vechi, ce par sa se lege si mai tare acum ca persoana mea s-a eliberat de citeva complexe si de vreo duzina de idei preconcepute. Acum vad altfel multe lucruri deshi imi dau seama ca mai am muuulte de invatsat. Partea buna insa este ca am lasat scuzele acasa, stiu ce trebuie sa fac si o voi face.
In al treilea rind pot spune ca fiecare zi este unica si este frumoasa in felul ei. Trebuie doar sa zimbesti si sa te lasi dus de val. Insa sa ai mereu cap pe umeri. Ca nu sta el degeaba acolo...

The L word

Daca mult timp dansezi de unul singur, este greu ca dintr-o data sa mentsii ritmu l cu o alta persoana. Esti deja obisnuit sa te misti solo, iti cunosti rutina, iar chiar daca apare ceva neprevazut, stii ca esti doar tu cu tine si deci solutsionezi repede dilema si mergi mai departe. Gasesti tu acolo o miscare de legatura chiar daca tsi se schimba brusc cintecul, in 2 insa, te pocnesti cap in cap si mai calci si pe picioare daca nu calculezi bine.

Exista o diferentsa intre a te indragosti si a iubi pe cineva. Te indragostesti la prima vedere, de exemplu, sau in orice caz, foarte repede, iar persoana data este centrul universului tau si tu nu vezi si nu stii nimic mai mult ca ea. Simtsi acei fluturasi, acele furnicaturi, acele batai nebune ale inimii cind sunteti aproape. Este un sentiment nebunesc, insa anume prin el simtsi ca traiesti.
Iubirea insa vine treptat, impreuna cu atasamentul si afectsiunea. Deja incepi sa cunosti persoana data, te obisnuiesti cu ea, ii acceptsi lucid defectele si ii apreciezi constient calitatsile. Aici se creeaza o legatura mai stabila, mai trainica, ce poate ca nu ofera aceleasi senzatsii tari ca in primul caz, insa iti ofera un anumit grad de bine care nu se compara cu nimic.

Doi prieteni apropiati rar se indragostesc unul de altul. Ci doar prietenia lor poate trece in ceva mai serios, mai important, la un alt nivel. Deja cunosti persoana data, deja nu iti asumi atitea riscuri, deja stii aproximativ cum vor derula evenimentele. Si te bagi, pentru ca la un anumit moment din viatsa ta ai nevoie de acea sigurantsa ca totul va fi bine, nu mai ai chef de jocuri si de tachinari. Vrei sa construiesti relatsia perfecta, vrei sa stii incotro mergi si vrei sa o faci cu ochii deschisi, nu aruncindu-te intr-un oarecare abis caruia nu ii stii parametrii. Deja stii ca e serios, deja stii ca amu ii amu si ca trebuie sa iti joci bine toate cartsile. Desigur ca apare totusi acea intriga, acele mistere, caci nu potsi cunoaste niciodata o persoana in intregime, insa stiind ca ai luat decizia cu cap, stiind ca trebuie sa treci peste asta, gindesti si deci treci peste obstacole. Si ceea ce a fost o mica scinteie se transforma intr-un rug, iar ceea ce a fost o dorintsa si o curiozitate, poate, se transforma in certitudinea unei relatsii frumoase.

Si totusi, afectiunea/ atasamentul vine cu timpul... pofta deci vine mincind?

Shine

I hate evenings as all the thoughts of the day pile up and i am thrown in one of the two extrema, pozitive or negative emotions. Either way, i am drained of power as i let it all get to me - it is the only way i know. Mornings i love, as all is nice and clear: with reason it's said that the night is a good adviser, meaning that you should sleep on it and if something still sounds good in the morning, you should do it.
Yesterday i spent most of the day in the company of oher people. Ok, to be more exact, in the company of people and insects from the order Diptera (meaning flies and mosquitos). But as i was returning to my room, exhausted and with a red white of the eye and blurred vision as my pupil did not react to light as it should have, i realized that i was very energetic inside even if my body was fighting the fatigue.
Being around people filled me with positive energy, it is like i had been connected to a power source and thus got my batteries charged. Of course, in order to have this effect, you have to choose the right people. In this sense, a friend of mine is right when saying that you cannot have a special relationship with everyone, because if you did, it wouldn't be special anymore. You cannot please everyone, so there are trade-offs - choices. One cannot choose its family, but you do choose your friends. Show me who your friends are and i will tell you who you are.
Most of the times, we are so tempted to try and please the world that we do not notice that in the process we forget about ourselves. It is a dangerous process that leads to the inevitable outcome of excess altruism, where one plays the role of Mother Teresa, never asking for anything, always giving and always happy with the little she gets back. Wake up, you must not ACCEPT things that come your way, ACCEPT the things that others give you. You must fight for BETTER, for MORE. Because you deserve it. But, moving from the point of initial endowment to a point where you are better off, you must inevitably make someone else worse off, thus in life you have to move away from the Pareto Efficient point. (so micro can be applied in real life :P)
It is nice to be one of those persons who is an energy giver, but you must be careful not to give it all and remain drained. There are people that do just that to me (yes, i like to think that i am a person of positive aura) and i know it is not their fault, as all this energy thing is not tangible and it is involuntary, on some level. As strange as it seems, i have found a way to preserve my livelyhood around the persons mentioned above so i no longer avoid their presence. I think it is a tacit agreement as who will play what role in the relationship, as in all bonds there is a person who gives more and the person who likes to receive. I have always been a giver, and as it is said, i hope that at least a 5th part will return to me, as a 5th part is more than enough.

Diverging

There are some things that you think you know or you think you can do but in reality, when you try, you realize that you are unable to. You realize that you are more rational than you would want to be, that you are more comfortable as you are so you do not want to risk the steady feeling in order to maybe gain. Yes, it is easier. And yes, if it does not happen, you do not want it bad enough. And yes, we have selective memory, and yes, we choose our excuses carefully.
I have excuses. I have excuses not to dream.

Right now i am in difficulty as i have stated that i am officially a happy person. But.... There always is a but. I am a happy person because i am no longer disappointed. And for me, that means that i have let go of my dreams. Dreams that used to be there are no longer tangible. I was deeply surprised that i wanted to speak about my dreams and.... i could not. Because i do not dream. Officially. Does that make me a happy person? No, that makes me an empty person.
I am in urgent need for some real dreams. All i have wanted up till now i have achieved, and when stating this fact, i was told that i have not set high enough goals. That i did not want the right things. And it is soooo true.

Right now i am spontaneous. And i have no fear, because i have nothing to lose. When you have nothing to lose, it means you have nothing you cherish. You have no fear, you have no feeling. And right now, I am overthinking this soooo out of proportion, but hey, that's me. And there's nothing better i can do with my time but think about the things i need not to think about. And i do it consciously, what does that make me? It makes me an official problem seeking junkie. Now that i do not have issues, i am making up some. Just to keep my mind busy.
It is quiet. It is nice. But it is too quiet. I hate it.

The thing is, i feel something and i cannot explain it. I just know it. And i cannot figure out a better way to make it happen that what i am doing at the moment. It is a little frustrating as the progress isn't that significant, but at least it is there (the progress). And theoretically, i am wasting my time. Coz literally, what i am doing is waiting. But what if i know that it will all be worth it one day? Is it wishful thinking? Is it intuition? Or is it the easy way out when in the end i say " oh well, i guess i was wrong, i can move on now. So what if i have wasted n*a time measure(let's say months)? I had a FEELING. And no, you cannot go against feelings. I cannot go against feelings. Great.

Do i thinkn too much? It depends. I think too much abut the things that get me absolutely nowhere. The rest are just put on hold. Gr-reat.

Issues

When you fight, you discover lots of things about yourself. Coz the mouth speaks without the mind. Lucidity is lost and you are all open and sincere.

I have patience. And i start to wonder if maybe i did something wrong. Sometimes i did, sometimes i did not. But that is not the issue, who did what. Conflict is healthy. It dissolves the illusion of perfection. It helps release the tension. It brings out the truth. It helps glue elements together or put them apart forever. It is healthy, because it is natural.

Sometimes you have to admit you are wrong. sometimes you have to admit that you are weak. That you are confused.
Sometimes it is better to trust people and ask for help.

If things do not go as u want them to, accept it and do your best in the circumstances. Some things may seem strange, they may seem different, they may seem cold and foreign. Accept it and do not try to look for a "why" no matter how tempting it might be. Just don't.

Calm down. Relax. Breathe. And then start over. Because life is a set of vicious circles. You can stay on the one you are on at the moment and know what the next stop will be. You will get there with no tremendous effort. Or you can jump and get on the next one and see what else is there in store for you.

24 ore

Da, am decis sa facem un experiment cu Adina, si anume sa ne schimbam cu habitatele timp de 24 ore. Acest lucru include schimbul tuturor chestiilor in afara de haine caci avem o mica discrepantsa de marime. Deci, camera, patuc, priveliste, Hugo Bob, messenger, blog. Toate. Poate o facem din cauza ca astfel ne va fi mai ushor sa invatsam pentru examenele ce se apropie, poate astfel dorim sa facem o mika skimbare in vietsile noastre, poate vrem sa fugim de anumite aspecte din viatsa noastra. Intotdeauna iarba din ograda vecinului pare mai verde, deci noi am decis sa controlam daca asa si este. Din pacate insa, prin schimbul camerelor ( ma mut in 510) nu vom putea fugi de anumite aspecte din viatsa noastra. Da, daca simtsi ca tsi-ai asternut nu chiar bine, ar fi o solutsie sa itsi schimbi patul, insa ce este al tau e pus deoparte. Si da, cred si eu in coincidentse si in lucrurile care se intimpla de la sine, si da, urasc acele chestii pe care trebuie sa le provoci, caci niciodata nu stii daca pierzi sau cistigi. Dar macar vei sti daca merita sau nu. Deci voi avea cu o problema existentsiala in minus. Din pacate, la moment toate circumstantsele sunt total contra acelei decizii pe care am luat-o, lucru care ma cam pune pe ginduri si da, sunt tentata sa renunts, pentru ca este mult mai usor sa nu fac nimic decit sa risc. Totushi, voi incerca sa trec peste cele ce imi stau in cale si le voi privi ca pe provocari si nu ca pe niste "semne" ca nu ar trebui sa o fac. Am decis. Oricum nu imi va da pace aceasta intrebare pina nu aflu raspunsul.
Eh. De ar fi atit de simplu sa fugi de tine. Sa fugi de trecut. Dar nu ai unde. Deci, capul sus. Ma gasitsi in 510, http://www.anna-mollystic-bubbles.blogspot.com/.

7 pieces of good advice for myself

1. Do not put all your eggs in one basket. You risk losing it all. Diversify. Minimize risk. But still, be careful. It is better to lose less than to lose more, but is it really necessary to lose anything in the first place? Think. Decide. Act. And all with care.

2. We do not value something till we lose it. But why do we have to wait for so long to realize that we care, that it is important, and that it is yours and you want it to be like that forever? Why don't we react when it is not too late? Because we do not have the courage to admit that we are tied to something. Because we are afraid to show we are vulnerable. Because we are stupid.

3. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. I would opt for keeping both at the same distance. Or the friends even closer. Of course it is important to know what your enemies are up to, but you cannot live your life distrusting everyone around you and seeing every good deed as an excuse or a facade. Sometimes one needs to be an optimist and trust people, sometimes you need to forget about the enemies and concentrate on the friends. Lighten up. The world is not out the to get you. It is there to put both good and bad things your way, and it is your responsibility to deal with them both.

4. Coincidences happen very often. But when they do not, you need to make them happen. I do not know if there is such a thing as destiny, but there surely is something in this world that mocks us day by day. These are called challenges. And it matters how you get past them. You have to fight for what you want, if you really want it. If you are undecided and do not have the courage, of course things will be the same the next day. Be strong. Fight for what you want. If you lose - better luck next time. But make sure you have learnt the lesson.

5. Intuition. If your gut feeling is telling you something, you'd better believe it. If you do not, it is not a victory of mind over feeling. It is just stupidity. So many things have happened for no apparent reason. Then why is it so hard to believe that one may just know something? So trust yourself and take the chance. Maybe there is someone up there looking after you. And if you believe in yourself and in what you are doing, you are going to be good at that. And you will succeed.

6. Work and concentration. Where you come from and who you are does not matter that much when it comes to success. Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Even if you are naturally gifted, or you are incredibly successful at something without you putting any work into it, chances are that a person with a different background will catch up to you and even become better if he or she works hard for it. So do not be lazy and start working. Stop talking about it and do it. Now.

7. Lists help. Make a list. Write everything down. Prioritize. Calm down. Relax. And start over.

Internet gone bad

What's the thing with persons and their status messages on msn? I have to admit that i used to do the same thing some time ago, i put "meaningful"messages and quotes for certain persons to draw certain conclusions. But now i think i am way past that phase. The only statuses with direct meaning are the ones that carry practical info about my persona like "sleepwalking around the dorm" or "happy". The rest are just random quotes that only sometimes characterize the way i feel. But the rest of the times, there is no need to look into them too deeply.
The italians i have come across seem to have a different opinion. They seem to be less considerate when it comes to keeping information secret and letting that "certain" person know more than she(in this case me) is willing to know. For example, after somewhat weird encounters with a person, after he was obviously puzzled by the brightly colored "relationship", (let us call it that) a relationship that did not fit into any if his previously set standards, he displayed for several days the message nella persona sbagliata ( the wrong person)on msn. Great, i say. Just great. I know that it was weird with him. I know it was different. I know it was hard. But that made me read the message the other way. He was the persona sbagliata. It had been so fine and shiny for a long time. It was all super till out of the blue it was not no more. And i could not put my finger on what had changed, what had made the encounters so exhausting. And then it just hit me. Italians are said to be very connected to their mothers. And that is what they expect from a girl. For her to take care of them, to pat them on the head and say it is going to be fine. To spoil them. And to entertain them. And that is when i realized that it was the "bring it on" attitude that killed it. He had to do more than just sit there. He had to make the decisions, and not give me the "you choose" crap all the time, coz every now and then a girl wants to be swept away. People tell me that i am a control freak, that i lead in discussions, dancing and even kisses. And it is true, but i yield for the one who will do all that for me, i want him to wear the pants so that i can wear a skirt. So, as he himself said, it was la persona sbagliata.
But my story does not end there. As i decide to give it another shot and offer a second chance to italians, i come across another set of status messages. Se non sai rischiare, non ottenerai nulla. Ma se non vale la pena? "If you do not risk, you do not win. But sometimes you wonder if it is worth it." And it was soo after a certain encounter that went a little different than what he expected...In my opinion, it went great. So this time i broke my unspoken rule and responded se uno vuole una cosa, vale la pena lottare - "if smb wants something, it is worth the fight". Well.... that calmed him down a bit. But then, after i had gone to see him before leaving for home, the next morning he displays the message vedremo.... buon viaggio " we will see.... have a nice trip" ... well, i am sure that was for me. And we will see ???? yes, we will, coz it is too soon to say if there will be smth or not. And it is a pity if not, coz i really like this one..... So what's the thing with the status messages?
I think internet has gone too far.... it substitutes so many things that it becomes scary.

...si sunt dependenta, dar spun NU

Astazi a fost una din zilele alea cind mergi in sens contrar. Cind vrei sa tragi pe dreapta si nu potsi pentru ca fluxul de evenimente te tsine acolo, pe stinga, ca sa te loveasca in plin tot mai multe si mai multe. Chestii marunte, chestii mari... insa pina la urma, doar asa te potsi trezi. Simtsi nitsel disconfort si deci iti dai seama ca este timpul sa te misti, sa treci de partea cealalta. Si odata trecut, speri sa potsi ramine acolo cit mai mult timp posibil.
In primul rind trebuie sa scapi de dependentse. Nici un fel de drog nu este bun, fie ca este vorba de fumat, alcool, ciocolata, internet, afectsiune sau mila de sine. Pur si simplu opreste-te. Clar ca nu este atit de simplu precum pare. Exact cum se spune, trebuie mai intii sa recuosti ca ai o problema. Si nu doar sa o recunosti, ci sa o acceptsi. Apoi, dupa ce ai decis ca dependentsa nu iti face bine, ca nu scoate la iveala persoana pe care ai vrea sa o vezi, ca te schimba si te face sa faci lucruri nebunesti, atunci deja potsi sa itsi faci un plan de actsiune. Metodele drastice sunt cele mai eficiente - taie raul din radacina. Si fara nici un fel de "ultima data". Fii ferm.
Desigur ca va trebui sa renuntsi la anumite placeri, la anumite elemente ce par indispensabile vietsii tale. Desigur ca trebuie sa faci anumite concesii. Si desigur ca este greu sa incepi din nou, fara acea mica scapare ce te readucea la linia de plutire. E greu, insa daca esti hotarit, poti sa o faci.
Desigur ca la inceput vor fi tentatsii. Desigur ca initsial nu va fi totul asa cum vrei. Insa incetul cu incetul, itsi vei reveni, daca vrei cu adevarat acest lucru. Chiar daca itsi zimbeste subtil si te atrage amintirea atit de placuta, trebuie sa te concentrezi asupra motivului din care ai renuntsat la acel obicei. Si opreste-te. Opreste-te inainte de a fi inceput. Si vei fi mindru de tine. Ca esti puternic. Ca esti hotarit.
Invatsa sa spui NU. Este un lucru foarte util in viatsa, sa stii sa spui NU, insa si mai important este sa stii cum sa itsi spui tsie insushi NU. Si da, o viatsa ai, insa acest lucru nu inseamna ca trebuie sa cazi in fiecare prapastie care tsi se deskide in cale. Mai alege si tu. Mai ales cind abisul este mult prea mare pentru a iesi din el. Si nu intotdeauna euforia pe care o simtsi cind cazi compenseaza sentimentul prabushirii pe fund. Off, iarashi au luat-o razna metaforele mele.... Este oare si asta o dependetsa?

Love and hearts

Love works in mysterious ways.
SHE is beautiful and smart, and yet, for some reason, she settles for less. Because that is what love is. One that is willing to sacrifice himself for the happiness of the other. Or is it? Is it possible that it was just an obsession, a need to feel useful, needed, even indispensable, a taken to the extreme mother instinct? When one accepts the happiness of the other as its own, when one denies personal needs in order to satisfy the other's - i think it is no longer love, it is sacrifice. Love is supposed to be the happiness of the couple. And nobody should settle for less.
The message of "27 dresses" was a lot simpler. She is in love with him but he barely notices she is there - but that is ok, because she takes joy in organizing his life and taking care of every single detail concerning his day to day activity. She feels that without her he would be lost, as she is his compass and his guiding light through the mysteries of the world. She has no needs of her own. All she wants is to please him. Deep inside, she still hopes and dreams of him, she still thinks there might be a chance for him to wake up and realize that the woman he'd been looking for so bad was right there under his nose. But chances are slim, so she goes on loving him in silence. And that is who she is. She helps the people around her be happy as she herself is too afraid to pursue happiness herself. So she settles for less. Of course, in the end, she meets the perfect man to make her reconsider. There were lots of events that make her realize that things have changed drastically over a short period of time. Of course, when the moment is just right, and when she rushes away to see him and tell him how she feels, she makes it just in time to jump on the ferry and manages not to fall into the water. Of course, all the other people on the ferry were very interested in their love story and so when she got on stage and talked to him with a microphone, everyone was "Aaawh-ing". Of course, there was a a spotlight on him and he did not feel the least uncomfortable with the whole situation. And, of course, he felt the same and thus kissed her with the passion that every girl dreams of. Unfortunately, i could not sit through the typical teary-happy- end-American movie without sarcastic remarks. It's not that I don't believe in happy endings. It's just that i no longer believe in perfection.