Answer

The answer to my question ( if what you want is not available at the moment, what do you do?) is that you wait or fight harder. Do not settle for what is available if you know that you want and need more.

I think, therefore i am

I have finally gotten to this point where i cannot procrastinate no more, when i have to stop denying what is in front of me and accept that there's need for a change. Coz things cannot go on like this. They have been like this long enough, and now it is time. It is time to take the name of my blog seriously, as i have not set it randomly. From the dreamy ME i used to be ("Lacul oglindeste stelele pentru ca vrea sa fie cer"), i went over to "daring to be different", but that did not work too well for me either. Yes, i am different, yes, i am unique.... just like everybody else. But we live in a society where one has to find an equilibrium between being himself and fitting in. So i decided that i was gonna try and do both for a while. Be myself, be different together with other people. I decided to Wake Up and Smell the Coffee, i decided to face the things that i was so afraid to acknowledge up till now.

The above expression was made famous by a newspaper columnist Ann Landers. She used to write about controversial issues like prostitution and how people put razor blades and poison in trick-or-treat candies on Halloween. Homosexuality and other concepts that were unthinkable in the 50s. Among the quotes we find ideas like "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." Truth hurts sometimes. But when one is tired of listening to lies, it is time to wake up. And yes, smell the Coffee.

These last 2 days i found myself among the Italians that populate the hot kitchen in the middle of the afternoon trying to cook their pasta. Also, i found myself passively smoking with them late into the night, trying to make something out of their sometimes impossible pronunciation. Opinions that it was sooo strange to see me there were vociferated not only once, but the fact that i did not always hang around them in the past does not mean i didn't want to. It just meant that i usually had other things to do. Which is actually the same thing. But now i decided to make time, to set my priorities and do things differently. It was kinda funny how we were all walking purposelessly on the hallways half a night yesterday, how we were trying to pick on one another, how we were peaking into other people's lives, how we were trying an experiment which involved the 5 of us staring at a piece of un-popped popcorn seed while nothing but "World hold on" playing on Mirko's phone happened. Although the videos on Utube show that a popcorn can pop



we were more like these guys here



As there is a whole controversy on the internet and world wide about whether it is true that the cell phones emit such strong waves, punto-informatico.it says that it is all a fake, that if the cell phones where anywhere close in function to a microwave, every phone call would be extremely painful. But the fact is that the cell phones do heat up the human tissue, but the studies show that it is not dangerous for health. Ok, do we feel safe now that we have seen with our own eyes that the popcorn did not pop?

Waking up yesterday also meant reading something other than the items included in the syllabus of the University or blogs. So i opened a book...Wake up and smell the coffee.
I have no idea what it is about. It is a theater play by Eric Bogosian, who is a known performer with a distinctive style, his one man shows are a blend of dark comedy, geopolitical commentary and social realism. He generally appears as a series of characters, which makes the experience colorful and believable.
All the monologues have different themes yet i could feel that there was a central subject, yet it was constantly escaping me as i was jumping from one character to another, from one action to another, from one state to another.
One of the ideas i got from the reading was that the world is becoming more and more insensitive and that people are already loosing their humanity. "People are the only ones who make [meat]balls out of other animals." Another idea is that people are trying to make so much money that they forget to enjoy them. Money has become the #1 priority and that we seem to forget about what is really important in this life. Like making coffee with your family. And actually smelling it.

"The paradox of life is... paradoxical. In order to breathe in, we must first breathe out. In order to grasp we must first let go. In order for the sun to rise, it must first set. In order to take what i have to give you, you must first give me 2 thousand dollars in four easy installments. Life surrounds us with bounty. An overfloweing cornucopia of goods and services. Everything is there for our taking. We only have to pay for them."

People need to believe in things. It helps them.
People need rules, it takes responsibility off them. They may not even know why they do the things they do, but that is how they do it. Automatically. It's easier. It is not freedom, but it is easier.
People need to place blame. And they need continuity. They do not change their opinions, they are rigid, they are constant. Because change means work, change means moving. Change means you have to think. And why think when you are happy while others think for you? The manipulated and the manipulators. The leaders and the masses. It has always been this way.
"A plane crashed in the mountains last week. 300 people dead. And all i could do was wonder how many of them were on a diet, how many were trying to stop smoking?"
Live your life. The way you want it. Read a book. Like Wake up and smell the coffee. It makes you think.

...si sunt dependenta, dar spun NU

Astazi a fost una din zilele alea cind mergi in sens contrar. Cind vrei sa tragi pe dreapta si nu potsi pentru ca fluxul de evenimente te tsine acolo, pe stinga, ca sa te loveasca in plin tot mai multe si mai multe. Chestii marunte, chestii mari... insa pina la urma, doar asa te potsi trezi. Simtsi nitsel disconfort si deci iti dai seama ca este timpul sa te misti, sa treci de partea cealalta. Si odata trecut, speri sa potsi ramine acolo cit mai mult timp posibil.
In primul rind trebuie sa scapi de dependentse. Nici un fel de drog nu este bun, fie ca este vorba de fumat, alcool, ciocolata, internet, afectsiune sau mila de sine. Pur si simplu opreste-te. Clar ca nu este atit de simplu precum pare. Exact cum se spune, trebuie mai intii sa recuosti ca ai o problema. Si nu doar sa o recunosti, ci sa o acceptsi. Apoi, dupa ce ai decis ca dependentsa nu iti face bine, ca nu scoate la iveala persoana pe care ai vrea sa o vezi, ca te schimba si te face sa faci lucruri nebunesti, atunci deja potsi sa itsi faci un plan de actsiune. Metodele drastice sunt cele mai eficiente - taie raul din radacina. Si fara nici un fel de "ultima data". Fii ferm.
Desigur ca va trebui sa renuntsi la anumite placeri, la anumite elemente ce par indispensabile vietsii tale. Desigur ca trebuie sa faci anumite concesii. Si desigur ca este greu sa incepi din nou, fara acea mica scapare ce te readucea la linia de plutire. E greu, insa daca esti hotarit, poti sa o faci.
Desigur ca la inceput vor fi tentatsii. Desigur ca initsial nu va fi totul asa cum vrei. Insa incetul cu incetul, itsi vei reveni, daca vrei cu adevarat acest lucru. Chiar daca itsi zimbeste subtil si te atrage amintirea atit de placuta, trebuie sa te concentrezi asupra motivului din care ai renuntsat la acel obicei. Si opreste-te. Opreste-te inainte de a fi inceput. Si vei fi mindru de tine. Ca esti puternic. Ca esti hotarit.
Invatsa sa spui NU. Este un lucru foarte util in viatsa, sa stii sa spui NU, insa si mai important este sa stii cum sa itsi spui tsie insushi NU. Si da, o viatsa ai, insa acest lucru nu inseamna ca trebuie sa cazi in fiecare prapastie care tsi se deskide in cale. Mai alege si tu. Mai ales cind abisul este mult prea mare pentru a iesi din el. Si nu intotdeauna euforia pe care o simtsi cind cazi compenseaza sentimentul prabushirii pe fund. Off, iarashi au luat-o razna metaforele mele.... Este oare si asta o dependetsa?

=Sum()

Problem: In the hallway there are 2 umbrellas, drying. One black, and one is yellow. Find out which one is mine, and which is Giuseppe's given my preferences towards non-yellow objects?
I had planned to go for a walk today. As i decided, i did like today's rain....


Is it possible to go to an exam and take a decision not related to Scenarios, SUMIF or AVERAGE? Oh wait, it does have something to do with "average" :)
As i was waiting for the exam to start, i, of course, in order not to waste precious moments of my life, dedicated the above mentioned time to studying the average Italian. Loud, easygoing, always with a smile, surrounded by attention, clown-ish and curly. Well..... I hate that. First of all, there are other people in the area, so there is no need for everyone to suffer from the phonic pollution which only you seem to find as funny. Second of all, try not to take all the "don't worry be happy" and "do not forget to smile" so seriously. Yes, it takes 43 muscles to smile and it does lengthen your life, but do you really want to live that long?? Think about it. Plus to that, there is no need to permanently prove that you have very expressive facial muscles. Nor do you have to always show that you can dance/ sing / tell jokes / laugh - and all at the same time. And get a haircut, dude! If not, at least comb your hair in the morning, it is known to help.
As it has been seen, i have been exposed to a totally different kind of "italian" today. The above characteristics are typical, but i have come to discover that i only accept an Italian around if he only posesses <=2 of these "qualities". Not more. I have even learned how to cope with the curly hair. It has been hard, but i guess i can live with that. I decided that i want to accept it as something cute and lovable. And yes, I can!

As i walked through the rain I decided to indeed go with the flow and let all my previous disasters remain in the past. Who knows, maybe it will work. Of course i have to close my eyes at some aspects, of course there are some things i dislike in this whole situation, but i think i can learn to accept them. I long affection and dare people to accept me as i am, and when it is my turn, i do exactly the opposite to the ones around me... So i will be more indulgent and who knows, maybe something will come out of it. I can accept curly:)

15 min

I have not only once noticed that i have a problem with routine and that i get bored easily. 15 minutes is my time limit - I do not watch a movie if after the first 15 min i still haven't understood what it is about.I cannot read something that i am not interested in for more than 15 min, i can not talk to a person i do not find impressing, i cannot wait for anyone without getting slightly uncomfortable for more than 15 minutes. If i do, i am deeply stressed even if it is not obvious at all times, as my anger pops out unexpectedly and lasts... guess what, not more than 15 minutes. But that does not mean that my life is separated into 15 min activities. My day is organized in conformity with both my needs and the needs of the society that i live with, it is shaped by the ethical and social norms and is a lot of the times planned according to pre-existing schedules that had been created some time ago, may it be a study plan, a work time-table, environment issues or time and space limitations.
Usually the solution to my problem is distraction. I can do mathematics for 15 minutes, then i read something really interesting, like Cost of working in a Digital World. The method has proven to be very successful, as i have reached the end of the book full of witty remarks and evil formulas. Yeay !

Kiss and go

Today i have made a friend of mine do what i have always wanted to do, but had no real guts for it. I admit that it was hard for me to get her to the spot, she is strong, but i was determined... It was something like i can stand my own misery and whining while i cannot live with the pain of the ones close to me, so i dragged her to the object of desire and she had the time of her life...but still, she was lucid enough to stop when it was time to stop. And i respect that, coz in my experience, i do not stop. So be happy, and if tomorrow u do not remember what u did, i will, and i will remind u of it for as long as we shall share the floor of the dorm. And u know what, the experiment i have been passing has made me realize that there is something i can do about my misery, so it will only take 1 euro to give me the guts to pull it off...... So who knows what tomorrow brings :)
Congratulations, A. Hold on to the feeling. It is one of the best ones u'll ever have.

Vocabulary, motivation and denial

Yesterday has been very educational. For a few nights now, we get together around my habitat and we decide upon the "Italian word / phrase of the day", "English word / phrase of the day ", "Romanian word of the day " and "Spanish word of the day"( that is just between me and A) The guys need to practice their English ( and so do i, as i lately started to make unforgivable mistakes, like writing threshold with double h - i think the panic with the double letters in italian has had smth to do with it, but the fact remains ) and me and A need to practice our Italian. And that is best done, of course, by talking. Politics, movies, geography,history, you name it, the guys are an open encyclopedia that me and A looked through with a large smile on our faces and laughter all night - ofcourse the neighbors were a little disturbed by the noise, but there were no restrictions, everyone was invited to join ( one did :P ) The evening ended at a late hour, but i did not sleep in today because i was trying to get away from a dream i was having, or, better said, get away of a person that was not supposed to be in the dream in the first place.
Now that i am home and as during the day i have socialized in the appropriate amount, the next hours will be spent in solitude, and hopefully, doing something useful. I made a pause from my intellectual activities ( yes, i am capable of such ) and remembered the article that was so inspirational yesterday, when i decided to actually start doing the things i am supposed to at this stage. 10 Ways History’s Finest Kept Their Focus at Work reminds people that there is no absolute formula for succes just as success is not the same for everyone. There is no one way to work, there is no one way to do things, in the end, each one of us has to choose the optimum bundle among the existent opportunities as to maximize benefits. I am very often angry at myself that i need to much external motivation, but the good part is that the latter has been easy to find lately, so i think i am set :) So at the moment i am off to the study room, which i hope to find not so populated, away from all the distractions of my room, with the accounting book in one hand, pen and paper in the other, and head clear of useless assumptions and stupid connections between totally unrelated events. I will not try to solve any existential problems during the next 1.5 hrs, and hopefully, by the time i get back to my room, the latter will all disappear.

P.S.
Italian word of the day - " farcitella ", which means " chubby" in plain english.
Romanian word of the day " incalzire" - " heating"
English word of the day " stubborn ", and, of course, the romanian translation with italian accent " incaputsunatu"
Spanish word of the day "pedir" - "ask"
German word of the day " zucker" - " sugar" ......

Not today

I was surfing the net this morning ( it was 7 am, yeah, , i am masochistic and i like to be sleepy all day) and i found a very interesting blog article, that said " Why Blog? Who has the time? " - fact that has gotten me thinking. Indeed, i have kinda ignored my page for a few days ( sorry to my faithful reader(s) ), but i have been busy - i am a very busy young lady, in the holidays, when there is no italian soul in sight, and nothing to do but study, chat and gym.... Anyways, inspiration has left me, and there are many things that i used to love that right now do not seem at all appealing... The dollar is plunging, food supplies are ending, oil prices are soaring, za trainer looks great and i am directing my attention to people that deserve and appreciate it.

There are many changes in my life... i have taken my time to sink it in, but i cannot ignore it anymore. Too bad, i kinda enjoyed denial.... There were a few questions i shouldn't have asked, a few things i shouldn't have done, but in the end, this is where i am and this is where i want to be.
It is not easy, but what is? I just hope i am strong enough.

Vreau :)

De ce este rau sa vrei lucruri interzise? Si cine decide cind ceva este interzis? De ce trebuie sa fie anumite limite, de ce sunt acele reguli care pina la urma, nu au nici un sens ci creeaza doar frustrare? Pina acum, am incalcat vreo 2 din astea, si a fost minunat. Si mai vreau. Si nu imi place sa mi se spuna ca nu am voie sa nu vreau. Vreau si gata. Punct.

Till next time....

May i have the courage to change the things i can, the serenity to accept the things i cannot, and wisdom to know the difference.
Let things be. I know what i want. I know what i need. I know how to get it. It is just not the right time yet. So i will be patient. I will wait. And till then, i will float.
Maybe it is better this way. Maybe it is not. But tomorrow is another day. No moment is similar to the one that has just passed. It is almost impossible to replicate the conditions of a certain experiment. But we can try. When there is a will, there is a way. So, till next time.

Not to do list

1. sa nu ma bag unde nu imi fierbe oala

2. sa nu spun oamenilor adevarul in fatsa

3. sa nu mai fac glume cu umor negru ( inclusiv cu canibali)

4. sa nu cedez cind stiu ca am dreptate

5. sa nu ma bag in taritse ca ma maninca porcii

6. sa nu ma subestimez cind nu este cazul

7. sa nu insist asupra unui argument rasuflat

8. sa nu ma tsin de trecut

9. sa nu mai pun intrebari retorice

10. sa nu raspund la intrebari retorice

11. sa nu accept provocarile de gen " i bet u can't do x"

12. sa nu regret ca s-a terminat ci sa ma bucur ca a fost

13. sa nu las calculatorul deschis cind plec pe mai mult timp pentru ca astfel
contribui la incalzirea globala

14. sa nu cer prea multe cind nu este shansa sa primesc ceva

15. sa nu incerc sa fiu ceva ce nu sunt

16. sa nu cred in cuvinte

17. sa nu lenevesc

18. sa nu ma culc tirziu

19. sa nu exagerez

20. sa nu uit sa spun " te iubesc".

( list to be updated later)