Time, purpose and limits

After midnight discussions and never ending polemics of what is really going on in our lives, i remained with a few quite disturbing questions. But, in my opinion, asking questions is the first move towards progress, because when we ask questions we are like inquiring children - we only learn if we want to, if we ask and, of course, if we ask the right things.
Yesterday i was asked "What am i doing?". As simple as that, it turned out not to be that simple. I took it literally, so i tried tracing back my steps from during the day.... My first conclusion was that i was spending way too much time in front of the computer. The second was that my biggest fear of becoming antisocial and being alone makes me get out and seek affection wherever there is the slightest sign i could get a bit of the so desired elixir. But most of all, what freaked me out the most, was that while trying to remember what i had done during the day, i was missing a few hours. Where had they gone, and what had i done with them that brings utility to me or to the society? I mean except the effect on global warming derived from my 18hrs use of the computer and the carbon dioxide that i produce with no special awareness, so that are hardly merits. So, what am i doing?
Yesterday i had finished my assignments and went to bed, but i could not sleep. And i cannot say that i was thinking about what i should do with my life. No, i was day-dreaming. Pleasant, but useless. So now i wonder, what is it that i live for? Am i doing anything today in order to be where i want tomorrow? Or better yet, do i know where i want to be tomorrow?
The answer is yes, i do know. I cannot put it into words, but i do know. And yes, more or less i am doing something. Something, but which is a too small percentage of the whole. Theoretically, i know what i should be doing. But, as the microeconomix book so wisely says, there are two cardinal sins from which all others spring: impatience and laziness. Whenever i do not suffer from the latter, the former comes in. And so on. Of course, the book also says, among theories of diminishing returns to scale, that there is more than one way to skin a cat and that it is a crazy world and anything can happen. Also true, especially when you consider the fact that i am not as conventional as my parents would have liked me to be, i have not inherited the conservative views that i have been subject to for so long in the household and i have always tried to break one or another rule just not because i wanted to, but because i could and because it was fun. Of course, i was considered a child with reasonable behavior, but that was because my parents still do no know all that i used to endow my time with.
This morning i watched Living a life of purpose while drinking my now usual coffee ( yes, i am little by little becoming Italian, maybe who knows, in a few years i will become curly, grow a beard and smile widely and hypocritically) and what i have derived from the talk was that yes, we do all have a purpose just like there is an answer to every question. The difficult part is finding it.