8 things on my mind

Yesterday was a weird night. I have encountered a side of me that i did not know was there, but in the end, getting to know oneself is the hardest thing in life. Indifference and apathy, as my status message read. True, oh so true.

The first 8 thoughts of the morning? I will be sincere.


1. did i really go to bed at 4 a.m.???? It was one of those nights to remember. I was not the main character, i was not leading actress, but neither did i want to. I was glad to help. I myself am way beyond any 3d party intervention, i am beyond the point of no return. And yes, it is weird to be on the other side.

2. am i really cooking today? I really wanted a quiet day in order to get over the events of the previous night. But i had this planned for a week now, and i like to keep my promises. It is said that the best way to keep your word is to never give it - well, i did, and now i have to cook the orrechette and the vegetable sos in my fridge.
Is it really Sunday already? And do i want it to be Sunday?

3. Was i really calling Raffaele endlessly and pointlessly? And Mirko? Were we that loud? Does the whole 5th floor hate us? Do we have to apologize?

4. Why do italians have to wake up at 8:30 on weekend mornings? Uffa !

5. There is nothing to eat in the fridge and i have to move my tired posterior to the kitchen and thus meet face to face with my neighbors. So where are my glasses and my hat? Incognito misssion :)

6. Was all the 5th floor taking a nap at 3 pm because of the random calling and loud laughing of which i was part of the night before? Hm.....

7. I am glad to say that i have grown out of the 5th grader "i want i want i want" whim, and now i am actually thinking whether i what i want is only meant to be wanted and nothing more... Like i said, some mice are not meant to be caught. And this is THE mouse.

8. I would have never thought i would come to say this, but i am cold. I am romantic and i get mushy, i like corny stuff but...... BUT i have up till now found a way to separate the emotional from the real. I have actually kept away from the things i really care about, because my mushiness, which is slang for softness and lack of lucidity, makes me vulnerable and thus i am not functioning properly. Therefore, out of fear that i will not achieve the desired outcome, i have kept my dreams just that - dreams, while in the meantime i concentrated on things that had from little to small importance to me and i succeeded most of the times. Even if i had not had THE GREAT moment of my life, i have has small little ones...
These days i have been accused of being cold hearted, that i did not care enough to make time for him, and that HE felt there was something wrong, as i was acting weird, so i should tell him if it is something he has done.... Well, i smiled, coz I was supposed to say that. ME, the soft emotional heart-beating blushing female. Not HIM, the guy who is sure of himself and is chillin'. Or at least he is supposed to.

So these were the 8 things on my mind today. I wasn't supposed to think about them but just say whatever was on my mind, but as the events of today have made me leave the front of the computer several times and for long periods, the " 8 things on my mind this morning" turned into the " 8 things on my mind today"... oh, wait, it is already not today.......