Scrisoare unui om pierdut

Exista momente grele in viatsa oricui. Exista acele sentimente care nu te lasa in pace, exista regrete, exista mustrari de constiinta, exista iubiri neimplinite, vise netraite, dorintse pierdute, sperantse sparte, relatsii pierdute, familii destramate, dureri de suflet si de corp... Exista momente in care vrei sa te inkizi intr-o camera intunecata si sa uiti. Exista momente cind vrei sa se deskida pamintul si sa te inghita, caci acest lucru nu doare asa cum te dor gindurile din tine. Exista momente in care ai vrea sa se termine totul, sa nu mai stii, sa nu mai simtsi, sa nu mai fii. Da. Exista momente. Insa doar asta sunt : momente.
In viatsa suntem si buni si rai, si deci avem parte si de soare, si de ploaie, si de bine si de greu. Sa nu ne pierdem sperantsa si sa mergem inainte.
Oare de cite ori nu am fost si noi, fiecare din noi, in asa stari? Nu trebuie insa sa renuntsam. Iar ori de cite ori ne simtsim mai rau, mai singuri, mai slabi, trebuie sa ne gindim la acele persoane care au nevoie de noi, la acei oameni ce traiesc pentru noi, la acele persoane ce nu pot exista fara noi. Trebuie sa ne gindim si la acele persoane pentru care noi traim.... Nu fi egoist. Nu muri pentru ca asa iti e tie mai usor. Traieste. Daca nu vrei sa o faci pentru tine, fa-o macar pentru altsii....

Nu am cunoscut acest om. Nici nu am stiut nimic despre el pina azi, cind am mincat ardei umplutsi intr-un camin din Italia, masa fiind pregatita de catre niste prieteni buni a acestei persoane. Ei spun ca nimeni nu stie de ce a decis el sa faca acest pas. Singuratatea poate... Si uite ca da, e posibil ca un om sa se simta singur chiar daca in realitate, nu era. A fost oare o decizie pripita? Totul a fost un soc... Vestea mortsii sale a adus tristete in sufletele multor oameni. Chiar si in al meu. Dzeu sa il odihneasca in pace.

Cind nu iubesti

Greu este sa iubesti. Poate ca nu totsi au avut shansa sa simta ce inseamna acele emotsii in stomac, ce inseamna bataile frenetice ale inimii, cum e sa te gindesti mereu la o persoana... De aceea nici nu stiu cum sa reactioneze, nu stiu cum sa se lase iubiti.... Multsi nu au trecut prin acele momente de asteptare inaintea acelei revederi, multsi nu stiu ce inseamna sa incerci sa atingi buzele persoanei dragi cu buzele tale... Pentru ca da, este complicat sa iubesti. Si nu anume din cauza ca este greu, ci anume pentru ca nimeni nu te poate fortsa sa o faci. Ori iubesti, ori nu.
Si atunci nu o faci. Ramii singur cu tine. Fara alte complicatsii, fara alte idei, fara promisiuni si fara obligatsii. Iti raspunzi numai tsie, depinzi numai de tine, ai toata libertatea pe care o doresti. Esi doar tu cu tine si potsi face ce vrei cind vrei. Daca nu ai chef de ceva, amini. Nu ai cui promite nimica, nu dezamagesti pe nimeni. Chiar daca o faci, tsie iti e indiferent, pentru ca nu iubesti. Pentru ca nu iti pasa. Si nici nu iti imaginezi cit rau faci persoanelor din jur.
Este deja dovedit faptul ca indiferentsa este cea mai rea. Ea creeaza cele mai adinci rani. Prin a nu spune nimic, faci mai rau decit prin a spune acel adevar dureros. Prin a nu face nimic, este mai rau decit ai face ceva, orice...
Cind nu iubesti este usor sa fugi. Pentru ca nu te tsine nimic intr-un loc anume, deci mergi mai departe cu inima usoara. Nu te gindesti la ceea ce lasi in spate, nu te gindesti la persoane, la prietenii, la adevaruri. Tu doar esti liber. Si poti sa faci ce vrei.
Este foarte usor sa ignori. Pentru ca e mai usor decit sa dai ochii cu o situatsie neplacuta. Este mai usor sa lasi totul balta - pentru ca nu iti pasa. Iar sentimentele celor din jur iti par atit de nesemnificative... pentru ca nu iubesti. Pentru ca nu simtsi. Asa ca te joci. Joaca-te... Se va juca si cu tine cindva cineva.

Finally love

The line between friendship and love is very thin. And one is very tempted to cross it as it does not feel like blindness but as a continuous process of growing affection. It is not falling into an abyss without knowing where you will end. Because you have already gotten to know the other person well, you got used to him and learnt how to love his good points and his bad points. So your love grows.
Is it a much more responsible move? Yes. Because it is not just a relationship. It is already more even at the beginning. But is it worth the risk? Yes. If you are careful with every brick you put down, the building may last a lifetime.
Two very good friends may not be as good lovers. Or they can be great lovers. Take your chance. And be careful to do it right.
You two are so good for one another. There was always more than friendship deep inside. So i wish you all the happiness in the world.

My person

I have a person and i am not sure that i deserve him. He is the one i go to whenever i screw up and i know that he will receive me with the arms wide open, no matter the size of the mistake. I know he will forgive me and make me feel better. There are many things i do not tell my person, and he does not deserve it, but in my opinion, the things he does not know cannot hurt him. I do not fear that he will change the way he looks at me, coz we are way past that stage. We are past any stage, as we can talk about anything and do anything together, it is the stage when a person becomes family. When you are so comfortable that you can fall asleep in his arms in the middle of a cold spring night, with whom you can do something stupid and then laugh about it together. A person you can trust when he says it will be ok even if you know better. He is the person who tells you what you want to hear but makes you see that it is not what you need. He is the person who will always love you for who you are, the person who is not afraid to talk to you, a person who always tells you he misses you and yet you know that he is not saying nearly enough. And sometimes you fear this kind of attachment and wish to run away from it as if in order not to hurt him too much when you are gone. But in reality, you too are attached. Attached to both the person and to the person he brings out in you.
This person fears that someone else will take his place. It is not because of feeling uncertain, it is because he knows that he will never be anyone's person ever again.
He is the person who is not afraid to tell you that you are wrong and is not afraid to set you straight with the force. And you lower your head and you accept the critisism, as the person knows you best. Sometimes the person knows you better than you know yourself, but he let's you discover the truth in your own time. He is the person that makes you think you are in control, when in reality, there is no need for anyone to be in control.
The person is someone who will always come when you call because you are not on the top of his priorities, you are part of him. He will come when you do not call, and even if you send him away, he will smile at you and make you ask him to stay. But he will go, only in order to return later. And he will never be angry with you for hurting him. He will get angry when you hurt yourself.
He is the person who is not afraid to tell you that he loves you like no other person will ever be able to. But most of all, he is the person whom you believe to love you THAT much. He is the person you can see fulfilling this promise. But you know that he sees the best in you and that he deserves better. He deserves someone like him. He deserves a person.
I have a person. I am a person. I take care of mine. And i am taken care of.

Pentru tine

Stiam. Nu stiu cum, de unde... Stiam si de ce. Intuiam. Insa sincer nu am vrut sa fie asa.

Imi pare rau. As fi vrut sa fie bine, vreau sa fii fericit... Sa stii ca daca ai nevoie de ceva, eu sunt aci.

Multsumesc

Cît de mult nu aş vorbi, sunt mereu nişte lucruri pe care nu le spun îndeajuns. Sunt anumite chestii care simt ca nu sunt înţelese complet, sunt nişte lucruri care trec neobservate chiar de sunt foarte importante.... Şi anume, nu imi ajunge niciodată timp sa rostesc un simplu "mulţumesc "......

Iti mutumesc.

Things i will never tell u

Did we put so much value on our time together because it was scarce? Do we look back with so much pleasure because it lasted so little? What if i wouldn't have had to go? What if u had stayed? What if the circumstances would have let us have a decent goodbye? Or has there never been one because things are still to come? ... You say you will wait for me. But this distance makes me forget your face little by little... You say you are the same, same smile, same eyes, same warmth... I remember everything, but each day it is farther away... I cannot help but ask questions the answer to which i will never find... What had happened between us? I sometimes think that you were more frightened of it all than i was... But you wanted me to feel safe, to feel protected, to feel loved... You never realized that you didn't actually have to do anything, it was all you that made me feel things i cannot explain up till now. You have brought up something i never thought i had in me. Whoever says perfection does not exist, is wrong. It exists. And i am glad we found it together, after we had been looking for it for a long time in all the wrong places. It wasn't something we had planned, it was so spontaneous and happened so fast neither of us had any time to think it through, so maybe that is what made it all so special. I do not know why. Do not ask me that. I do not know how. It just was... I just know that it was the best irrational choice of my life.
You say you will be there... But you are too far. I am too far. I cannot say what tomorrow will bring. Neither can you, so no matter how many promises we want to make, let us just smile at what was and hope it will be again... but no promises.