ILU

I was incapable of saying the 3 words for a very long while. I used all other kinds of affection demonstrating phrases. I did not even know that i could not pronounce it until i tried.... and nothing came out. All of my life i had used synonyms and hints. And i had never ever used the L word. Not when it had anything to do with me.
Yes, i had eventually said it to a very special person. He does not even know how hard it had been for me to say it....And it felt good. Even if he did not say it back. It felt like freedom.
Now i can say it... and i think that i say it way too easily. It is casual. Every time the L word comes out of my mouth, the moment deep in the night when i had put so much emotion into it is further and further away.... That makes me wonder if the excessive use of the word diminishes it's importance. Do we really mean it every time we say " i love you" ??? And, more importantly, is the quantity of "i love you"s inversely proportional to the true amount of affection?
I still remember that night. And i always will. Because it was the night i opened my heart and got over my fears and decided to go for it, risk it. And i won. I learnt a very important lesson - trust in yourself and every now and then let yourself go.... maybe you will be surprised and find someone is there to catch you.